Single in the city: healing old wounds

With the recent passing of my Aunt it put a lot of things into prospective one largely is the importance of family . Prior to a year ago I left Texas in 2005 and honestly never looked back , a lot of life happenings with me I had to handle all alone so now with me going through a storm it is very difficult for me to reach out for help a lot not so much pride but honestly I have become so programmed to do it alone automatically. So I am currently trying to build relationships with family members and trying to mend more of my very broken relationship with my children's father . Our last conversation was him screaming about things that happened in our marriage years ago things that during this time he was also at fault. Now with that being said I have had 2 relationships some therapy I have moved on from what he has done to me and now taken that part of my life as a lesson . Now my ex on the other hand listening to him he is still hurt as if I did this to him yesterday and most of these things happened 5 or more years ago , mind you he is engaged to a woman that he cheated on me with and with ever lashing he reminded me he was happier with her. I felt bad and honestly I have no clue why apart of me knew there was a time in our marriage where I tried my best to make him happy I tried to be the perfect stepford wife like he wanted I tried to keep figure, tried to give him all the sex he wanted, and tried to study everything on parenting to be the best mom for our son. Meanwhile I was dying inside year by year sometimes I wanted to eat cake not workout every day and just have him tell me relax tonight I'll put jayden down to sleep. Sometimes I wish he would have told me I'm beautiful and looked great and he was proud to have me on his arm and not compare me to someone's else's wife. I lost the weight I wanted and was starting school and he decided he wanted to have another baby . We had our daughter and during my entire pregnancy he cheated . Now I listened to him bring up all these occurrences of my infidelity but his memory always lapsed about his very own . I sat back thinking just let him vent he needs to heal but one thing I learned in therapy you can not heal or fix yourself if you lie about your shortcomings or if you are in denial about yourself . That my friends will never fix anything if you want to heal old wounds you have to keep it honest otherwise you will always be in pain.